New Love

It's been a few weeks since the very first time i realise my feelings for that certain someone.
It's quite shocking for myself. I would've never thought to have feelings for him.
It's amazing how people can change so easily. I don't want to be like those people who goes straight into another love life after ending one.
It's despicable for me but I guess my feelings just won't listen.
It's been quite hard for me these few days after admitting to a friend about my feelings.

Sometimes, I just feel like crying. But, sometimes, I would want to show my biggest, widest smile to everyone, but mainly him.
I guess that's just what love does to people. Unstable emotions and what not.
I'm afraid of what might happen if I continue nurturing this feeling in me. I know that he has someone he likes.
I'm afraid I'll destroy my image from his point of view.

For now, I can only keep it all in and hopefully, let it die down itself.
But as days pass, I came to realise that this feeling is not decreasing any lower than it should.
It's increasing like crazy and hormones are attacking my emotions. I hate it yet, like it at the same time.

Sometimes, I would desperately want to say my feelings for him straight in his face but wouldn't dare to. Knowing the outcome, who would?
I know that, being close by is already good enough for me. Even looking at him from afar makes me smile.

His moods sometimes affects mine. When he's in a down mood, I would become down myself. When he's all happy and hyper, I would be too.

Oh how strong love is.

Suffering

How much more do i have to suffer this mental pain?
It's like everything you say to her has a pinch of affection in it.
I'm very confused.
I know, you say i think too much or i overreact too easily.
But..i don't even know if you're lying to me or not.
I just saw what you said again..though i have to i'm sorry to stalk you, but
it hurts me.
I became moody straight away after i saw those words.

Like a dagger through the heart.
):

Do you know how painful is that?
Why her?
Why....
Can i ignore you from now on?
I'll try not to give up on you..
I still have a tincy wincy bit of trust in you..
hope that little trust won't disappear.
I'm such a stubborn kid....
):

I wish she never existed.
I wish you were never this kind of person.
I wish i never thought of changing you.
I wish i never thought of wishing these things.
But...what should i do?!


Tell me.....what......I suffered for months
From the day you started talking to her.
With all those type of words...
FML!!!

I knew i shouldn't have trust in love again..
It was too much to bear. I knew it...
right from the start. I shouldn't have even think twice about accepting you into my life.
Look what happened...I think i became more down than i usually was...

I gave up on love but you gave me hope. that what i thought.
but in the end, you threw me back on the ground.

where i should've belonged.
Why did i think you gave me hope into love?
Why? Nothing ever changes...

Nothing..

even friends.
I feel like i'm just a lonely girl in this big world.
I want to be in my own world.
With people who actually cares about me.
And not give up on me when they found new people...

they don't understand...My feelings are too hard for normal people to understand.
Not even him.

But i hope God knows...

Almost all of me wanted to say it's over but there's that little light that keeps holding on to you..
Thank that little light. but if you lied to me, that little light should've let go a long time ago....

Been a while - Weird Dream

So, been a while sine I've blogged.
Sad? I bet not! JK

Anyways, I had the weirdest dream last night or this morning. haha.
I was like wth all the way xD it was awesome though :D I can't say out my dream or i won't ever rmb it won't happen again~ well. yeah. that's all actually.

Going to school soon (: Bye, peeps. :D

-wen-

10/4/13

i want my friends back

i want them

i want the sweet moments we had

i want everything to be exactly like 2011

we were all young and immature but fun-loving

i want that back

i want to be with them again

i want to go out with them again

but why

why must time separate us?

why do our minds don't think alike?

i want to see them again. 

please?

I feel like crap..==

Thinking about how care-free i was last time.
How i didn't post about 'that' last time.
Man i regret those posts.
But i do not regret the moments..
I still regret it -3-
but well..what is done, is done..
STUPID.

= =

Well~ 2 post in a day, happy? :D

I feel like crap..==

Thinking about how care-free i was last time.
How i didn't post about 'that' last time.
Man i regret those posts.
But i do not regret the moments..
I still regret it -3-
but well..what is done, is done..
STUPID.

= =

Well~ 2 post in a day, happy? :D

Crap

So..she went into my blog..crap...the only thing i could think of when she told me that was..
CRAP CRAP CRAP! D: dafuq.
URGH!
frustrated man.
And i didn't mean to kick her! D:
lord..
urgh..stupid natural reactions..:/
learning taekwondo has it's advantage and disadvantages = =
things can go wrong..
dammit! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! D:

can't stop thinking of what she keeps telling me! D:
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!
lord, why?! ):

i hate how those things happen...):

That's the end of it.. = =

!!!

Stress

Well, I'm not sure how long since the night i've shed tears. .
It's probably been so long cuz I feel super stressed.
About NOTHING! D:
I wanna cry out but it's afternoon....people will see..and ask...so i always wait till night ):
Putting all sad, stress, angry feelings in me and just letting it out at night!
I wish...my mum could just accept him and i want him here...with me ):
I wish to just go to bed now and skip dinner, skip the movie, skip everything and cry...
Cry and cry and cry and cry..till my heart's content....my poor heart. can't take much of this.

Plus, because of all this, i didn't have the confidence to shoot during training..causing me to not release the freaking arrow!!!
URGH! I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!
Last time i couldn't click, now i couldn't release! FISHSTICKS!

-sigh-

;-;

-lyw- -wen-

Archery Demo and BSMM Meeting

Hey,
Today is our school's Archery Demo from King's Archery.
And because of that, i had to skip lunch.
I carried target butts and target stands with my friends
All my energy was gone.
We sweated a lot.
Plus, i had to shoot again.
Just to demonstrate to the students on how we shoot.
I had to talk and teach the students..
I guess now i know how it feels to be like this..
For the archers last year..:/

After that, BSMM meeting/training.
We learnt around 12 type of bandages again~
I've totally forgotten all of it till just now.
But..some time during they talk..i'll just stare out the window and look down stairs.
Thinking of a neutral life.
Then, i would get sad.
Tears wanted to fall from my eyes but i didn't let them.
Crying in public is never fine.
Right now. the feeling of crying is still there in me.
I do not know how i can stop this..
Maybe i'm too tired.
Resulting my stress and my emotions to grow bad..
Damn.
why must the demo be on the same day as the BSMM?! ):
my life just can't be any fairer isn't it?

TT.TT

I wish he could've just sat down beside me and just stay. i don't care if people want to find him
They just have to walk to him then.
But no, that couldn't happen..never.
Because i do not speak out!
i'm always alone in my own world.
not this world but another.
alone. staring into space. spacing out..blank...
i can never feel loved.
never seen
never known by others.
never.....

wishing my life.................forget it...

-lyw-

Hey, Christmas Eve!

Hello!
So, as you all know, it's Christmas Eve! :D
In Asia, that is. (:
Well, i hope everyone out there is having a good time
With family and friends whom you could enjoy the day/night with (:

As for my C.E (Christmas Eve) morning,
I woke up at exactly 6 a.m.
Pretty early, isn't it? xD
Plus, i slept at 12 a.m. Meaning I only had 6 hours of sleep.
Which wasn't enough for me! @.@
But i still survived the day (:

C.E afternoon,
Almost 2 p.m, Vanessa came to pick me up to go to Merdeka Mall.
Even though my limbs' are broken, i just want to get out of the house.
I'm getting bored in here ):
I wasn't thinking of training but i just went with it. Since Conny told me that
Coach ricky wanted me to train ):
I actually just wanted to use the dumbbell until the whole training lesson is over.
After training and all, some of us went down together to get something to eat.
I bought myself a waffle with peanut butter fillings (:
My all time favourite flavor :D

C.E evening,
Me and vanessa went back at around 630, maybe
The first thing i said to my maid when i got home is..
"I want instant noodles!" xD
I was really damn hungry that time :/
After eating and all, I went into my room.
And now, BLOGGING about it (:

This was how i "celebrated" my C.E.
Not that interesting, right? I know..
Tmr. I hope i get to see him though.
Although i'm spending that day with Vanessa again,
I just really hope to see him again.
It's been a while since..
but my love for him has not changed :B
Anyways, yea..
Going to watch CZ12 with her tmr.
It's a movie. quite interesting i guess :D

That's all from me.
Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! :D

xoxo

-wen-

December

Well, hey, it's already December.
Surprise?
Time sure flies by fast, as i'd said, right? :D
I really really can't wait till school reopens and go through the Orientation Programme.
I'm really excited to see new faces coming into our school. SMK Saint Columba!
I hope that the students will learn to cooperate with us as we may be a little stressed
because of their attitude sometimes.
I hope those spoiled kids can learn to be better at things.

On 31st of December, we're going back to school to register for 2013.
I really can't wait for that either.
I might get a chance to see HIM again on that day (:
Well, it's not like we can't see each other before that xD
Anyways, our classes for next year haven't came out.
So, we got to wait for that..
It may take a long time though.

Alright. So, most people keep saying on the 21st of December,
It'll be the end of the world?
Is that true?
I do not know, do you?
Well, we just gotta wait and see, right?
But i really hope it won't happen.
I still want to live till I graduate and go to Uni and other future plans.
Will all that be taken away from me?
Will HE be taken from me?
I don't want that.
No.
So, i gotta think positive. -what he always tells me- (:
It's nice to have him around to give the world some sense into it again.

Other than that,
There's the Miri Close competition that's coming soon.
Only 3 more days.
And i only have one more training till that comes.
Not enough time.
Paying RM 50 for that competition.
Don't you guys think it's quite expensive?
Well, if you lose, than all that money will be wasted.
But I can't get my sight.
And, i can't see the freaking target face with my stabiliser blocking it! ):
Well, i guess my RM 50 would be of waste.
Damn.
I don't know what to do. I seriously don't want to waste my dad's money anymore..
Not like this.
If only that David understands my situation.
If he was me, i bet he wouldn't want to join the competition either
Because of the money problem :/
NVM.
Not that people actually liked him..
I don't know..
I'm confused..
I'm tired..
I'm restless..
I'm feeling like crying..
I'm gonna die..

I hope HE JUST UNDERSTANDS!

Urgh. No point for all this shit anymore.

URGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! );

I wish he was here...I wish i can just mute the world for just a few minutes...

I'd be as happy as i could ever be...please...

---

CRISIS HERE!

woo...yesterday was..like a...awkward day.
my senior and my best friend fought, i think
and she wanted to break up with him..
he came and find me to ask whether i can help him.
he said he needed her. no matter what.
he said he wants her back by his side.
i was quite..shocked that'll it come this far.
i just hope she chose wisely.
i hope it's her right choice.
cuz i know she still loves him.
i don't think she'll give up on that just yet.
not until....i don't know...something tragic that happens?
well...now. both are probably not around.
i don't know how they are now..
she doesn't seem to be that happy
so i guess they haven't gone back together..
i really don't like this.
serious love CRISIS here :/
damn.
i hate solving cases like this.
it makes me more stressed than i am. :/
i hope they just get back together to make everything better
and back to how it was supposed to be.
i just wish that he wasn't so jealous and would trust for once
as in really trusting her.
actually a little jealousy in a relationship is OKAY
but if you're too over. it'll be come a disaster!
he needs to control that jealousy of his to a minimum >:(
no more loads of crappy fights.
we all have friends.
we all have mixed gender buddies.
is it wrong to talk to our opposite sex friends?
what is so wrong?
maybe that person is like a brother or sister to one another.
so don't be JEALOUS!
no use!
it'll only cause more fights than ever!
I HOPE THEY ALL UNDERSTAND!
dammit. ==
live a little. would ya?

-wen-

Moody

When I woke up this morning, I already felt something strange.
I just didn't what it was..
I went on facebook right after waking up.
Around 10, i went to bath.
Then at that time, i realised i haven't eaten my breakfast.
There isn't enough time to make the instant noodles
So i took a packet of biscuits and ate it.
At least that helped my hunger for a while.

Then at around 11, i went to school.
Before that, my mum had to go to the gas station and send some stuff to her friend or something.
I arrived at school at around 11:20++
HIS exam already ended at that time.
So i waited for him.
When he walked pass me, I didn't notice he was there until i turned around again.
He didn't bother to greet me..but i ignored that..
Maybe it's because he saw me with a group of people so he didn't dare to come forward
OR he could just be rushing..or something..I felt sad and angry...of myself.
I don't know why. I just feel like I wanna break something.
Then we had our PSV Paper 2 examination. I drew some geometry stuffs.
It looked pretty good to me.
Then, i went down with Jia Hui to wash our cups and pallets.
Then, i saw him and he saw me.
I think he smiled at me or something but i don't know...
I put on a sour face all the way upstairs to our exam classroom..
I felt bad, sad, moody and i felt like crying just seeing him...

I wonder what happened?!
Is it something that i've done?!

then i'm sorry if it is ):

Man...I'm so messed up today...didn't even eat lunch too..only the same packet of biscuits that i brought to school ):

Dang man...dang..


I'M DAMN MOODY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

-wen-

Exams!!

Well,
Today, we start our 2nd semester examination.
Going to have it for 2 weeks straight but only 7 days going to school.
Since we're having the exams in the afternoon, i can relax in the morning.
But the thing is,
I won't get to see my dear at school.
Since he's going for morning session..
That's pretty unlucky.
):

Why must the school be so unfair to us..
Dang..
But never mind.
I may be able to see him later since I'm going to school at 10 am (:
I want to hear him say "I LOVE YOU!" :D hahahaha
He promised anyways -w-
Well, wish me luck,
peoples! <3

If you do, I'll wish you all luck too! If i know you guys -w-

Buh bye!

-wen-

Wee~ Today is our 2nd monthiversary.
I love him so much! >.<
Too bad we could do anything special today.
But it doesn't mean that'll stop us from loving each other xD
I just love to say how much I Love Him. (:
I want to hold his hands, hug him, let him hug me, tightly around him. <3
I would like that.
But i always joke around how he wouldn't be able to hug me
Even though i seriously want his embrace :D
>v<
LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!
If only he could see this (:

iloveyou
TTSC

-wen-

-two days report- o___o

28/9/12
Today,
They gave out the gifts to the students for the Mooncake Festival thing.
I received 8 cards. A lot? I don't know..
Somehow, my friends say I received the most in my class/school.
Just because of my stupid friend, Nicholas. Gosh..
But I'm more interested in my boyfriend's gift to me. (:
It may be lesser than that guy's but it's still special to me.
He even helped provide a bag for me to put all the gifts in.
How sweet of him (:

When i was bored in class, i did a cute little Thank You card for him but
I don't think he ever looked inside when i gave it to him and
When i saw him put the card back into my pencil case,
I was actually disappointed..
I felt a thousand times more horrible than i did at the last lesson
When we had to rush to finish our PBS practice.

That day was our outing too.
But the disappointing thing is that he could make it.
He totally forgotten to tell me that he was going for the Kem Bersepadu thing.
I was shocked and sad when i received that message from him yesterday.
Gosh. I thought my luck was getting worse..
So, he went to the camp at around 2.
I was lonely after that
Until i arrived at Merdeka Mall to gather with my other 4 friends.
We watched Premium Rush together and walked around the mall.
Me and the girls tried on different clothes at different shops.
It was amazing. :D It's my first time wearing a dress.

29/9/12
He came back from the camp at around 2++ in the afternoon.
I thought they were coming back in the evening but yay! it's in the afternoon.
I was quite happy :D I get to see my dear's texts again :D
After 1 long day. (:
I missed him a lot. even though he was just gone for 1 day.
Anyways, when he asked me to guess what he did at the camp,
He told me: I go hiao girl there.
I was like what the heck?!
Then i replied: Want to leave me? Just say so. (it sounded kinda cold huh?)
Well, he deserves that answer.
He said : what the...): ...
HE ALMOST MADE ME CRIED!
Damn it..I don't like to him joking around about THAT. seriously..it hurts me..
Then, he told me not to be angry.
I told him i wasn't even though it was a lie..):
Sorry i lied..dear. i didn't mean to..
so, we're good again after that. i just want him to forget about fighting..i don't want to lose him.
he's too dear to me than anybody else. ):


that's all? stay tuned (:

-wen-

It's almost 2 month since we've been together. (:
i'm seriously happy that i met him and kinda feeling lucky that he actually loves me too.
i'll love him forever. no matter what.
no matter we get separated for how long or whatever, I'm still going to love him (:
I'm not gonna let him go and i hope he won't let me go either (;
it would be sad if he does..but i won't want to think of those things..all the possibilities..
all are there but i'm not thinking it..and i hope all won't come true..unless it's something nice that would make us both happy and still together.

That's all from me (:

ps. ilovehim.

-wen-

We're finally together (:

Well, it's actually been along time since I've accepted him as my BF >w<
I was actually happy i had him with me.
He's like a cute kiddy boyfriend but still acts like a real man xD haha
well, this month is our 2nd month togather. (:
I'm really happy. Joyful!!
I love him so much. (: <3 till the very end.
we promised each other we won't break up.
And that promise i shall keep. but he did say he'll promise to love me forever. that's sweet of him. (:
I LOVE YOU THOMAS THEN!!! :*

Hey, it's July!

Hey, today's July! 

Oh how time past by so fast.

Soon, we're going to have our Archery Inter-School Tournament from 4th to 5th August.

Oh gosh how exciting is that? :D

I hope we St.Co archers can make our school proud by winning back the Inter-School Trophy. 

It probably be the first time in history if we can win it (:

I would be super happy if that happens (:

Alright let's talk about yesterday..

Something awkward just came out of no where..

I have a senior called Thomas Then.

Right,

I asked him who he liked since last week if i'm not mistaken. He don't want to tell me.

So i waited.

And i asked him almost everyday.

Until yesterday. I asked him again..

And he said... "You lo"

I was like ._____________________.

"what just happened?" in my head..

I paused for a moment and then i replied him, "You're not joking?"

He said " You guess"

I said "So, you're not joking ._."

He said " No "

Then, i think we've paused for a long time....i started a new topic.. until we played Tetris Battle for quite a long time.

I asked him, why does he like me?

He said it's because i'm good.

he said good in everything.

I was like "huh?" in my head. that can't be true...He doesn't know me that well yet.. but i'll let him have his time (:

And then. after we played tetris battle, had a small chat. we said he wanted to off. so. after a few minutes. he sent me a message saying the reason why he likes me again.... I was quite..shocked? happy? i don't know my emotion. it's quite mixed up. 

So, you told me to make my choice. Following what i think is best. So, please have the patience to wait. I really want to answer the right answer and don't regret it. Should I accept or not? I'm not sure... My heart still isn't mature yet... it's a good thing your not the type who forces people (: thank goodness 

-wen-

Dear Archery!

After a week of holiday, I realise how I just love it even though sometimes I have nothing to do.

At least I get to go for my archery training and be with my archer friends.

They're more close than my school friends. I guess.

I really don't want to go back to school. ):

I want everyday to be like this. With archery in my daily life.

After "2" weeks of holiday, I really need to get use to the school life again.

With all the projects and assessments that needs to be finished.

I want to give up on it but I never did. I must try but don't have the heart to do it.

It's hard and will take time to get use to. 

I hope God will bless me, help me through out the progress.

I hope that I will finish it wish satisfied feelings.

I hope the teachers will be satisfied with out work.

There won't be a long holiday. Not until November and December. 

Which is 5+ months away. Do you guys think I can bare with it.

I hope so.

I don't want to fail in the middle of the progress.

):

Not a chance.

I WILL TRY MY BEST! FOR SMK SAINT COLUMBA, KING'S ARCHERY SPORTCENTRE AND

MIRI!!! 

(;

Better try than giving up, right? 

-sigh-

That's all for now. Will update again not soon. sorry. >< Net.

-Wen-